Hello everybody, it’s me, the one and only Daniel D and you
are listening to the one and only Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire
Podcast! It is Thursday, March 4, 2021, and this is episode 5 of season
3, entitled “Cancel Culture Run Amok! Dr. Suess?!! Abe Lincoln?!! Kermit the
Frog?!! WTF?!!!!” Today, boys and girls, we are going to talk about Cancel
Culture – can you say “Cancel Culture?”
I have been a spiritual seeker most of my life and I have
learned about several different religions – Christianity, Judaism, Islam,
Buddhism, Daoism – but I have never come across a religion as fucked up as
Woke-ism. As you may know, Woke-ism is the religion responsible for Cancel
Culture and Political Correctness and all that other BULLSHIT!
Woke-ism is a religion that has all the negative qualities
of a crazy death cult, like Jonestown, David Koresh’s Waco cult, the Heaven’s
Gate Cult, but with NONE of the psychological benefits of believing there is a
supernatural being on your side or that you will have eternal life in some
heavenly hereafter.
Woke-ism involves the human sacrifice of free-thinkers and
even innocent bystanders to appease a bloodthirsty mob; Woke-ism has blasphemy
laws that are strictly enforced; Wokeism hijacks the believer’s brain like a
virus and causes them to accept all kinds of preposterous and destructive beliefs
purely on faith and NEVER ever question them – and get angry and indignant if
anyone else tries to question them; Wokeism excuses violence against
non-believers and even encourages its adherents to practice violence in its
name – witness all the “mostly peaceful” demonstrations that have been
punctuated with the occasional, mostly peaceful beating, looting, pillaging,
firebombing, and murder – these murders have been mostly peaceful, except for
just a few moments before and after death, but mostly peaceful otherwise.
In a word, Wokeism gets people to sacrifice everything, even
themselves and their own livelihoods and even their own family members on its
altar of cancel culture, yet it makes them ZERO promises of supernatural
blessings or eternal life. Is this not the most amazing religion ever created?
So I learned that cancel culture has now moved on to
seemingly innocent children’s entertainment. Kermit the Frog has been canceled!
Or at least some of the episodes of The Muppet Show that we knew and loved in
the 70s; those episodes have been CANCELED!
Apparently, Kermit the Frog was not as WOKE as he should
have been, on 1970s network television. Now, was anything else on TV in the 70s
Woke by today’s standards? NO! Which is why, if you are going to waste your
time watching television, you should watch re-runs from the 1970s before you
watch the kind of crap they are peddling today. But yes, loyal listeners, if
you grew up watching Kermit the Frog or the Muppets, you are RACIST, SEXIST,
and TRANSPHOBIC! I don’t have any proof to back these claims up, but like any
other religious claim, YOU DON’T NEED PROOF in order to believe these WOKE-IST
beliefs.
Okay, real quick about Kermit the Frog, I never did
understand how he was able to have a romance with Miss Piggy. I mean, a pig
would be like 1,000 times the size of a frog, at least! Let’s say Kermit was
the biggest bullfrog ever, and let’s
pretend Miss Piggy was a relatively small Vietnamese pot-bellied pig, it STILL
would not work. Miss Piggy would step on Kermit and squash him like a bug!
Think about it! How on earth could Kermit the Frog make love
to Miss Piggy? She would have to lie down on the ground, and he would have to
stand on a ladder or something. And she probably wouldn’t even feel ANYTHING!
“Hey, Kermie, is it in?” – “Uh, yeah, Piggy, it’s in. In fact, I just finished.
You didn’t feel me inside you?” – “No, Kermie. Can you use your big long frog
tongue to get me off? It’s not that your frog penis is small, it’s just… Oh,
Kermie, I’m sorry.”
But it’s not the depiction of alternative sexual lifestyles
of pigs and frogs that is getting The Muppet Show canceled, because THAT would
be okay. No, it’s the … lack of WOKE sensitivity towards some group THAT IS
LIKE ONE-HALF OF A PERCENT OF THE FUCKING POPULATION! But this group, even
though it can cancel mainstream children’s television shows, is still somehow
marginalized and powerless and disenfranchised. SO MUCH SO that a tiny little
frog named Kermit is seen to be “punching down” on them.
You know, I am sick and fucking tired of this goddam term
“punching down.” So doing violence to someone is okay, as long as the violence
is directed upwards, at someone taller than you. Well, I’m not a giant, but
goddammit, on behalf of giants everywhere – not the football team, mind you,
I’m talking about real-life giants, I am fucking offended at this term
“punching down” that makes it sound like it’s okay to punch up, which is
probably going to make giants feel triggered.
Not only that, but every fairy tale has the giant as a bad
guy. Jack and the Beanstalk! We need to cancel goddamn Mother Goose – and not
because of those Andrew Dice Clay nursery rhymes either – but because Mother
Goose, and the Brothers Grimm, and all those other fairy tale writers were
fucking prejudice against giants!
You know what I like to do?! I like to fight midgets –
because I LOVE punching down on people! Especially dwarves and midgets!
In the meantime, the cancel culture mob has taken down
another racist, sexist, transphobic relic of our childhoods: Dr. Suess. That’s
right. First of all, he’s not even a real doctor. That’s why I would cancel
him: if you take his medical advice, you will probably DIE! Like, “Hey Dr.
Suess, I have some left over ham and eggs that have been in the fridge so long
they are turning GREEN! Can I still eat them?” – And Quack-doctor Suess says,
“Sure kids, eat those green eggs and ham!” The book Green Eggs and Ham needs to
come with a WARNING LABEL: “Warning: Dr. Suess is NOT a real doctor – he
doesn’t even play a doctor on TV – so he is NOT qualified to give medical
advice. Also, eating green meat or eggs is HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH.”
So that’s why I would cancel Dr. Suess: he’s giving out
dangerous dietary advice to impressionable young children. Look, I’m no doctor,
but if you look in the fridge and see leftover eggs and ham that have turned
GREEN, then THROW THAT SHIT OUT!
But that’s not the reason the cancel culture crew have gone
after Dr. Suess. First of all, during the 1940s, while we were at WAR with
Japan AND Germany, Dr. Suess drew unflattering caricatures of BOTH the Japanese
AND the Germans. Like EVERY MOTHERFUCKING BODY ELSE in the free world at that
time, Dr. Suess hated Germany and Japan. Now, if we are going to take Dr. Suess
totally out of context and judge his 1940s anti-Axis powers cartoons by the
enlightened standards of today, then FUCK YEAH, cancel him.
Apparently, after World War II, Dr. Suess also drew
Asian-looking characters in other books and they don’t look true to life. You
know, their faces look cartoonish, because – get this – IT’S A FUCKING CARTOON!
Of course, precisely NOBODY that Dr. Suess drew looks true
to life. And no animals either. Or places. Or things. NOTHING Dr. Suess drew
looks true to life. They ALL look like bizarre caricatures of the real thing
because, ya know, that’s what he drew, regardless of whether he was drawing
white or non-white people.
But that’s all it takes to get canceled. The most popular
and iconic children’s author of modern times. The corpse that is second only to
the corpse of Michael Jackson as the top earning dead artist who’s not alive
today. If that guy can get canceled, who the hell is safe?
Now Lincoln, ABE LINCOLN, is getting canceled! The Great
Emancipator! The guy who made sure the Union finished the fight in the Civil
War and freed the slaves. The guy who was a great friend of Frederick Douglass
AT A TIME WHEN IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LEGAL FOR HIM TO OWN DOUGLASS AS A SLAVE, but
who instead invited Frederick Douglass to the White House as his honored guest,
so this was extremely progressive for the 1860s, mind you – THAT MAN is now
being canceled. What the fuck?!!!
Well, I’ve talked to someone who is practically a Cardinal
or Archbishop in the Woke-ist religion, Peter Puffboy, and Mr. Puffboy assures me that this
cancelation is well deserved. Apparently, Dr. Suess needs to be canceled
because he culturally appropriated and made fun of the style of 1970s black
street pimps with the character of the Cat in the Hat. Now, I know some of you
will say that the Cat in the Hat was written in the 1950s, decades before the
1970s-era black street pimp even existed. That is a RACIST response, because it
uses logic and evidence, both of which are RACIST. Don’t ask me how. Because if
you ask me for logical reasons in support of that claim, then YOU are appealing
to a racist system developed and employed by the white oppressor to give bad
grades to people of color.
But I will give you reasons anyway. The Cat in the Hat.
Okay, so first of all, the term “Cat” was coined by black people as a slang
term for a cool dude. Also, it’s slang for pussy. So the same term can apply to
a cool dude who gets a lot of pussy – he’s a cool cat, or it can refer to the
pussy that the cool dude gets. Anyway, by creating a character who, I might
add, was black – or at least mostly black, he did have some white fur, but he
was mostly black – and who was referred to as a “Cat,” Dr. Suess was clearly
implying that this character was a black man, probably a 1970s-era black street
pimp. Notice the Cat in the Hat had a cane and a colorful top hat: two
trademark emblems of the 1970s black street pimp attire. Then, he’s got these
two sidekicks called “Thing One” and “Thing Two.” These “things” clearly
represent his hoes. And look at their wild, nappy hair: so this cool cartoon cat
from the 1950s was clearly modeled after a black 1970s-era street pimp, he has
two nappy-headed hoes working for him, and they go around to CHILDREN’S HOUSES
when the parents are gone and throw wild parties, so add to that some elements
of pedophilia. Dr. Suess is basically saying black men are pimps, black women
are hoes, and on top of that, they want to corrupt white children and probably
even have sex with them. So definitely, the Cat in the Hat reeks of racist
oppression and anti-blackness.
And then there’s Abraham Lincoln. Let me tell you about THAT
white supremacist slave-liberator! First of all, Abe Lincoln culturally
appropriated the name “Abraham” from the Jews, so he’s obviously an
anti-Semite. Second, old Honest Abe culturally appropriated his trademark top
hat and long coat and cane from – you guessed it – 1970s black street pimps!
Doesn’t matter that Abe Lincoln was killed over 100 years before the 1970s
black street pimps ever existed, HE WAS A RACIST CULTURAL APPROPRIATOR!
So I say, Hell Yeah, cancel Abe Lincoln! Cancel the Cat in
the Hat!
Now, all this cancel-culture hysteria reminds me of a book I
wrote wayyy back in 2019 called “Super #SJW Man: A Cancel-Culture Superhero,”
which is available on Amazon, if anyone wants to get a copy. I will include a
link to the book on Amazon in the show notes.
Anyway, I have decided I am going to create an audio book of
this classic tale as a series of podcast episodes, so for the next several
episodes, I will include a segment where I read a chapter of this book.
Let me just tell you a little bit about Super #SJW Man.
Whereas other super heroes usually have some supernatural ability or
superpower, Super #SJW Man’s superpower is his super sensitivity – nay, his
super-duper fragility. He is a super snowflake! And he is super concerned about
how offensive EVERYTHING is. So he decides to do something about it. He gets a
sidekick, a guy who goes by the name “Captain Wokeness,” and together the two
of them go around fighting insensitivity and microagressions and politically
incorrect speech and so forth. And hilarity ensues, as they go bumbling from
one idiotic misadventure to the next, all in the name of WOKENESS!
So the first installment of the audio book for Super #SJW
Man: A Cancel Culture Superhero will be coming in the next episode. And as I
said, the book is available on Amazon if you want to read it.
And that brings us to the end of this episode, entitled “Cancel
Culture Run Amok: Dr. Suess?!! Abe Lincoln?!! Kermit the Frog?!! WTF?!!!!”
which is episode 5 of season 3 of The Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast. And I am your host Daniel D. Till next time, peace
out bitches!
Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss any future craziness -- including Daniel D reading from his classic book on #cancelculture called "Super #SJW Man," available on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B084CZ5DBP/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_GZBJS0FEZZ2BB0GNVDQ0 (NOTE: making a purchase on Amazon through this affiliate link will give me a small commission at NO extra cost to you -- thanks for supporting the podcast!)
And I am your host Daniel D. Till next time, peace out bitches!
#cancelculture #comedy #satire #humor #DrSuess
Check out this latest episode of the Crazy Comedy, Humor, and Satire Podcast by Daniel D!
